Daily Agenda

Our retreats are based on the science of Emotionally Focused Therapy.

EFT is the only model of couples intervention that uses a systematic, empirically-validated theory of adult bonding as the basis for understanding and alleviating relationship problems. Studies consistently show excellent follow-up results and some studies show that significant progress even continues after therapy. (Research)

Daily sessions build off one another to create a powerful foundation of trust and connection in your relationship.

Tap the tabs below to view the daily agenda:

Daily Retreat Agenda

9:00a – 12:00p: Three Hour Couples Session

Getting acquainted and history taking (personal, family and couple: the legacy of family dynamics and Mom and Dad).

  • Problem definition, goal setting
  • Introduction to couples therapy dynamics and both personal and interpersonal emotion/action cycles
  • Emotional and feeling orientation: the meaning of feelings, emotions, and behavior
  • Our internal dialogues about self and other and the world

12:00p – 1:30p: Lunch Break


We all have a personal and family history. The psychological / emotional learnings and patterns of interaction that we learned in our family inform our “present” thoughts, feelings and actions. These family patterns drive us in our relationships. If our history includes trauma, we often feel even more driven and trapped in our present patterns of relationship.

The afternoon individual sessions target those “driven” behaviors and feelings using EMDR and ImTT, two powerful trauma resolution therapies. Insights from those individual sessions are integrated during our afternoon couples session.


1:30p – 2:30p: Individual Session with Partner 1

Review your history form, worst things list - Mom and Dad trauma clusters – attachment injuries, relationship injuries.


2:30p – 3:30p: Individual Session with Partner 2

Review your history form, worst things list - Mom and Dad trauma clusters – attachment injuries, relationship injuries.


4:00p – 5:30p: Couples Session

Integrating and making sense of our personal and interpersonal cycles.

9:00am – 12:00p: Three Hour Couples Session

Continuing yesterday’s work, and going deeper: A focus on your personal styles of engagement and interaction, what triggers you? How do we describe your personal “in relationship problem behavior?” More in depth work with “raw spots” and “rocky moments,” when your history and the present come together; further work with your relationship’s “dance of disconnection,” and the internal feelings and narrative that go with it, call it “fear and longing in relationship. *

  • Problem Behavior description and definition (what we do to and say about ourselves and each other and how that really works)
  • Reengaging, getting everyone on board and more work with that Cycle
  • Emotional and Feeling Orientation: The meaning of feelings, emotions, and behavior
  • Our internal dialogues about self and other and the world
  • Your emotional triggers and action tendency (what sets you off and what do you do?)

*Experiential: these are NOT discussions, rather, they are experiential investigations including dialogues and interactions/enactments.


12:00p – 1:30p: Lunch Break


We begin to process some of the trauma (or pain and terror, or negative and limiting self-evaluations) from that personal and family history we got into yesterday.

The afternoon individual sessions continue to target any “driven” behaviors and feelings using EMDR and ImTT. Insights from these individual sessions are integrated during our afternoon couple’s session.


1:30p – 2:30p: Individual Session with Partner 1


2:30p – 3:30p: Individual Session with Partner 2


4:00p – 5:30p: Couples Session

Integrating and making sense of our personal and interpersonal cycles. This means a refocus on your internal experience, emotions, dialogues and action tendencies: that cycle again.

9:00a – 12:00p: Three Hour Couples Session

Continuing yesterday’s work, and going deeper: A focus on your personal styles of engagement and interaction. Now, you are on the edge of really identifying and articulating your cycle, your dance of disconnection and you begin to catch yourself going into it; and we go deeper into your emotional truth, your fears and longings, and the drivers behind your behavior.

We begin the difficult and vulnerable process of putting those wants, needs, and fears on external speaker. We begin to experiment more with your developing sense of trust and your ability to stay in touch with your inner experience, express that experience to your partner and then hear how it impacts them. We work with your developing sense of trust that comes with understanding self and other.

  • Developing a clear picture of your behavior in the cycle
  • What emotionally triggers you?
  • Where does it take you in your internal narrative?
  • Articulating your feelings and your level of trust
  • How can you create a secure base for action in your relationship?

12:00p – 1:30p: Lunch Break


We continue to process some of the trauma (or pain and terror, or negative and limiting self-behaviors) from your personal and family history.

The afternoon individual sessions continue to target any “driven” behaviors and feelings using EMDR and ImTT. Insights from these individual sessions are integrated during our afternoon couple’s session.


1:30p – 2:30p: Individual Session with Partner 1


2:30p – 3:30p: Individual Session with Partner 2


4:00p – 5:30p: Couples Session

Integrating and making sense of our personal and interpersonal cycles. We will slow it all down, do a structured walk-through and make sense of it; then integrate it emotionally.

9:00a – 12:00p: Three Hour Couples Session

Continuing yesterday’s work, and going deeper: A focus on your personal styles of engagement and interaction and The Longing/Yearning vs Fear Continuum and The “Please Hold Me / Be There For Me” Conversation. We again go deeper into your emotional truth, about how your past behavior has served you and now limits you and isn’t needed. We focus on the difficult and vulnerable process of speaking those wants, needs, and fears.

We begin to experiment with your developing sense of trust and your ability to stay in touch with your inner experience, express that experience to your partner and then hear how it impacts them. Can you ask for what you want? Can you respond to your partner’s needs?

  • Have we created the safety necessary for you to be vulnerable?
  • What are you really afraid of in this relationship?
  • What do you long for from your partner?
  • Can you trust, open up and respond to your partner?
  • Can you resonate with each other and feel loved?

12:00p – 1:30p: Lunch Break


1:30p – 2:30p: Couples Session


2:30p – 3:00p: Break


3:00p – 4:30p: Couples Session to Completion

A continuation of the morning’s work, we take the afternoon to continue making sense of your personal and interpersonal yearnings and fears and working with them to strengthen your bond. If you are ready, we begin the process of looking at past hurts we call Relationship Injuries and the healing process. Again, we will do a structured walk through and then integrate it emotionally. Can you really stay in the Here and Now, recognize and/or avoid the cycle of disconnection, maintain trust and talk about your softer feelings?

9:00a – 12:00p: Three Hour Couples Session

Hopefully we’ve reached the point at which your trust and bond are strong enough to begin the process of healing old Relationship Injuries. We talk about how you were hurt and how it impacted your relationship; we make sense of your actions and reactions. These injuries impact trust and connectedness so this is a real test of your new connection. Once more we address the difficult and vulnerable process of putting your hurt, wants, needs, and fears on external speaker. Can you share your pain, can you respond and understand your partner’s pain? Can you begin to understand and forgive?

  • Can you love and be loved and deal with the hurt this brings with it?
  • Can you listen to your partner’s hurt and respond to it?
  • Can you understand and talk about the pain and consequences of your behavior and apologize?
  • Can you accept apology and let your partner know what you need from them?

12:00p – 1:30p: Lunch Break


1:30p – 2:30p: Couples Session


2:30p – 3:00p: Break


3:00p – 4:30p: Couples Session to Completion

A continuation of the morning’s work, we take the afternoon to put it all together and consolidate before we complete the intensive. Again, we will do a structured walk through and then integrate it emotionally. Can you really stay in the Here and Now, recognize and/or avoid the cycle of disconnection, maintain trust and talk about your softer feelings? Can you celebrate your connection?

The answer is YES.

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