When Betrayal Strikes: Understanding Your Options
Infidelity marriage counseling is specialized therapy designed to help couples steer the aftermath of an affair, providing structured support for healing whether you choose to stay together or separate.
“After the devastating disclosure of infidelity, intense emotions and recurrent crises are the norm, yet many marriages can become stronger and more intimate after couples therapy.” – American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy
For those seeking immediate guidance about infidelity counseling options:
| Infidelity Counseling Type | Best For | Timeline |
|---|---|---|
| Weekly Therapy Sessions | Couples with busy schedules needing ongoing support | 6-24 months |
| Intensive Marriage Retreats | Couples in crisis needing immediate, focused help | 2-5 days with follow-up |
| Individual Counseling | When only one partner is willing to participate | Varies |
The findy of infidelity can feel like your world has shattered overnight. The trust you’ve built over years can break within minutes, leaving both partners reeling with emotions ranging from betrayal and rage to guilt and despair.
Research shows that 57% of marriages survive infidelity when couples engage in proper therapeutic support. This isn’t just about deciding whether to stay together—it’s about healing trauma, understanding underlying issues, and making informed choices about your future.
Unlike general marriage counseling, infidelity marriage counseling specifically addresses the unique trauma of betrayal. It provides a structured path forward through three essential phases: crisis stabilization, exploring context, and rebuilding trust.
Many couples wonder if they’ll ever feel “normal” again. The answer is both yes and no. While the relationship won’t return to its pre-affair state, with proper guidance, many couples develop something stronger—a new relationship built on deeper understanding, honesty, and intentional connection.
I’m Ross Hackerson, and throughout my 40-year career as a therapist specializing in infidelity marriage counseling, I’ve witnessed countless couples transform their deepest crisis into an opportunity for profound growth and healing.
Infidelity marriage counseling word list:
– couples therapy vacation packages
– emotionally focused couples therapy
What Is Infidelity Marriage Counseling?
When your relationship has been rocked by betrayal, infidelity marriage counseling offers a lifeline—a specialized approach that addresses the unique trauma that affairs create. Unlike general couples therapy, this focused work recognizes that healing from infidelity requires specific expertise and a structured pathway forward.
At its heart, infidelity marriage counseling creates a safe harbor where both partners can steer the storm of emotions that follow findy. Your therapist becomes a compassionate guide who helps the betrayed partner process their trauma while supporting the unfaithful partner in taking meaningful responsibility—all without judgment or taking sides.
“I couldn’t imagine ever feeling safe with my partner again,” shares one of our clients. “Our therapist didn’t just help us talk—she taught us how to truly hear each other’s pain without becoming defensive. That moment changed everything for us.”
Stages of Infidelity Marriage Counseling
The healing journey typically unfolds across four distinct phases, each building upon the previous:
Disclosure Stage: This critical first step creates a structured environment for sharing necessary information about the affair. Complete honesty is essential, but your therapist ensures this happens in ways that minimize additional trauma while still providing the clarity needed to move forward.
Stabilization Stage: Here, the focus shifts to managing those overwhelming emotional reactions and establishing safety. The betrayed partner often experiences symptoms similar to PTSD—flashbacks, anxiety, and hypervigilance—which require immediate attention, while the unfaithful partner learns to provide consistent, meaningful reassurance.
Meaning-Making Stage: Once the initial crisis stabilizes, you’ll begin exploring the context of the affair. This isn’t about placing blame but understanding the relationship dynamics, personal vulnerabilities, and external factors that created space for infidelity to occur.
Forgiveness and Reconciliation Stage: The final phase involves rebuilding trust through consistent actions, developing deeper intimacy, and creating a new relationship narrative. For some couples, this leads to a stronger relationship; for others, it provides the closure needed for a healthier separation.
Benefits You Can Expect from Infidelity Marriage Counseling
Whether your relationship ultimately continues or ends, infidelity marriage counseling offers transformative benefits that extend beyond your current situation:
Clarity becomes possible as therapy helps you understand what happened and why. This insight proves crucial regardless of your relationship’s future, preventing the same patterns from repeating.
Personal growth often emerges as an unexpected gift, as both partners find deeper truths about themselves—their needs, boundaries, and patterns—that benefit all their relationships moving forward.
Reconnection can develop through the shared vulnerability of the healing process. Many couples tell us they’ve developed a deeper, more authentic connection than they had before the affair—built on honesty rather than assumptions.
As one client reflected after completing our intensive program: “Even if we hadn’t chosen to rebuild our marriage, I would still consider this therapy invaluable. I understand myself in ways I never did before, and that’s something I’ll carry with me no matter what.”
At An Affair Of The Heart, we’ve witnessed countless couples transform their deepest crisis into an opportunity for profound healing. Our intensive retreat model compresses months of traditional weekly therapy into one focused week, allowing you to make significant progress when you need it most.
Why Infidelity Hurts: Prevalence & Emotional Fallout
The findy of an affair often feels like the ground has disappeared beneath your feet. You’re not alone in this experience. Infidelity marriage counseling specialists recognize that affairs are more common than many people realize. National surveys reveal that approximately 15% of women and 25% of men have engaged in physical infidelity within their long-term relationships. When we include emotional affairs and other intimate connections without physical involvement, these numbers climb by an additional 20%.
But knowing you’re not alone doesn’t ease the pain. Research from the scientific community on affair prevalence consistently shows that finding a partner’s betrayal typically triggers trauma responses remarkably similar to PTSD. Your racing heart, inability to sleep, and overwhelming anxiety aren’t an overreaction – they’re normal responses to relationship trauma.
“The trauma of infidelity resembles post-traumatic stress because it involves a sudden, life-altering event that shatters your sense of security and makes you question your past, present, and future,” explained Dr. Shirley Glass, often referred to as “the godmother of infidelity research.”
For the betrayed partner, the emotional journey often mirrors the stages of grief:
Shock and denial wash over you first – “This can’t possibly be happening to us.” Then comes the anger and rage – moments when you can barely look at your partner without feeling a surge of hurt and betrayal. Many experience bargaining thoughts like “If only I had been more attentive…” Depression can settle in as you wonder, “Will I ever trust anyone again?” With proper support, many eventually reach acceptance – a place where you can make clear decisions about moving forward, with or without the relationship.
The unfaithful partner isn’t immune to emotional turmoil either. Guilt and shame often become constant companions. Fear of abandonment and confusion about their own actions can be overwhelming. Many experience profound grief over the potential loss of their relationship and anxiety about what the future holds.
What offers hope in this painful landscape is that research shows 57% of marriages survive infidelity when couples engage in proper therapeutic support. Infidelity marriage counseling specifically addresses these complex emotional responses with interventions designed to help both partners process their feelings in constructive ways.
The trauma is real, but healing is possible. At An Affair Of The Heart, we’ve guided countless couples through this emotional wilderness, helping them find their way to solid ground again – whether that means rebuilding together or finding peaceful closure.
The 3-Phase Roadmap Therapists Use After an Affair
When infidelity rocks your marriage, the path forward can feel impossibly murky. At An Affair Of The Heart, we’ve refined a clear, structured approach to healing from infidelity that gives couples a reliable roadmap through this challenging terrain.
Phase 1: Safety & Emotional First Aid
The days and weeks after finding an affair often feel like emotional whiplash. During this critical first phase, we focus on creating stability amid the chaos.
Establishing safety protocols becomes our first priority. This typically means implementing a complete no-contact rule with the affair partner and creating clear agreements about how you’ll communicate with each other during this vulnerable time.
Emotional stabilization techniques give both partners practical tools to manage overwhelming feelings. One client described these skills as “emotional oxygen masks” that helped her breathe through panic attacks and prevent damaging confrontations she later would have regretted.
Transparency frameworks help rebuild the foundation of trust. The unfaithful partner learns how to provide meaningful reassurance without creating more harm, while the betrayed partner develops healthy ways to manage understandable hypervigilance.
“There’s a delicate balance in early disclosure,” explains one of our senior therapists. “We guide couples to share what’s necessary for healing without venturing into graphic details that might create additional trauma. It’s about truth with compassion.”
During these fragile early weeks, we’ll equip you with practical tools: grounding exercises for emotional flooding, structured communication protocols to prevent harmful arguments, and crisis management plans for handling inevitable trigger moments.
Phase 2: Deep Dive Into “Why”
Once the relationship has stabilized, infidelity marriage counseling moves into perhaps the most transformative phase—understanding the context that made the affair possible.
This exploration isn’t about making excuses or distributing blame. Rather, it’s about developing genuine understanding of how vulnerabilities formed in your relationship.
Research consistently shows that affairs rarely happen in isolation. Instead, they often emerge from a complex interplay of factors:
Attachment wounds from childhood often create unconscious relationship patterns that neither partner fully recognizes. These invisible forces can silently shape how you connect (or fail to connect) with each other.
Relationship disconnection typically develops gradually, sometimes so slowly that neither partner notices the growing emotional distance until it’s become a chasm.
Individual struggles with self-worth, boundary-setting, or impulse control can create personal vulnerabilities that contribute to poor choices.
External pressures like career transitions, health challenges, or family stress can strain even strong relationships during certain life seasons.
During this phase, we help couples restore trust through deepening their understanding of each other and their relationship dynamics. The unfaithful partner still holds full responsibility for their choices, but both partners gain insight into the relationship context.
One client beautifully captured this phase: “Understanding the ‘why’ didn’t excuse what happened, but it helped us see our marriage clearly for the first time. We realized we’d both been lonely for years without knowing how to reach each other.”
Phase 3: Reconnection & Future Protection
The final healing phase focuses on rebuilding your connection while creating meaningful safeguards for your future together.
Genuine remorse and repair become the foundation. The unfaithful partner demonstrates consistent remorse through both words and actions, often through what we call “remorse rituals”—regular moments of reassurance that help rebuild security.
New relationship agreements emerge from honest conversations about boundaries, communication needs, and connection priorities. These aren’t controlling rules but mutual commitments to protect what you’re rebuilding together.
Intimacy rebuilds at a pace that feels safe for the betrayed partner. This includes both emotional vulnerability and, when appropriate, physical reconnection.
Forgiveness work helps release the grip of resentment. This isn’t about forgetting or excusing the affair but choosing to move forward without being defined by the betrayal.
Maintenance planning ensures your relationship stays healthy long-term. We’ll help you create ongoing practices that strengthen your connection and address issues before they become serious problems.
Perhaps the most surprising outcome many couples experience is developing a deeper, more authentic connection than they had before the affair. As one participant in our intensive retreat shared: “We’re more honest now than we’ve ever been. The affair was devastating, but the healing process forced us to really see each other and talk about things we’d avoided for years.”
This three-phase approach provides structure during a chaotic time, helping you steer from crisis to healing with professional guidance every step of the way.
Therapy Modalities That Accelerate Healing
When it comes to infidelity marriage counseling, not all therapeutic approaches deliver the same results. At An Affair Of The Heart, we’ve carefully selected evidence-based methods that specifically address both the relationship damage and trauma that affairs create.
| Therapy Approach | Primary Goals | Timeline | Evidence Base |
|---|---|---|---|
| Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) | Rebuilds secure attachment; addresses underlying emotional patterns | 8-20 sessions | 70-75% recovery rate for couples in distress |
| Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) | Processes affair-related trauma; reduces triggering | 3-12 sessions | Significant reduction in PTSD symptoms |
| Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) | Addresses negative thought patterns; develops coping skills | 12-16 sessions | Effective for anxiety and depression management |
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) stands out as particularly powerful for couples healing from betrayal. The scientific research on EFT effectiveness is compelling – it helps couples rebuild the secure attachment bonds that affairs damage so profoundly.
I’ve seen how EFT transforms relationships after infidelity. As Dr. Sue Johnson, who developed this approach, explains: “An affair is an attachment injury—a wound that strikes at the heart of a couple’s sense of safety and security with each other. EFT directly addresses this by helping couples create new, positive cycles of interaction that foster security.”
For the betrayed partner who often experiences trauma symptoms, EMDR therapy offers remarkable relief. This approach helps process those painful memories that keep replaying in their mind, reducing their emotional intensity so couples can discuss what happened without triggering overwhelming reactions.
Meanwhile, CBT techniques provide practical day-to-day tools both partners need during recovery. These approaches help replace destructive thought patterns with healthier ones and develop coping strategies for the inevitable difficult moments.
Intensive Retreats vs. Weekly Sessions
While traditional weekly therapy sessions work for many situations, when it comes to affair recovery, our intensive retreat model offers distinct advantages that many couples find transformative:
The immersion effect creates powerful momentum. At An Affair Of The Heart, our retreats provide 30 hours of therapy condensed into one week—equivalent to about 7-8 months of weekly sessions. This concentrated format often breaks through stalemates that weekly therapy can’t seem to budge.
One client told me, “We’d been stuck in the same painful conversation for months in our weekly sessions. By day three of the retreat, we finally had the breakthrough we needed. Having that uninterrupted time made all the difference.”
The privacy and focus factor is equally important. Stepping away from daily life—the work emails, the kids’ schedules, the well-meaning but curious friends—creates a protected space where healing can take priority. For couples navigating the raw vulnerability of affair recovery, this sanctuary-like environment is invaluable.
Accelerated results are another benefit we consistently see. The concentrated format allows couples to move through the necessary stages of healing without the start-stop rhythm of weekly therapy. Insights build upon each other while they’re still fresh, creating momentum that carries couples forward.
Our After the Affair Protocol brings together multiple therapeutic approaches custom specifically to each couple’s situation. This comprehensive approach addresses both the relationship dynamics and individual trauma in an integrated way that weekly therapy often struggles to achieve.
As one participant shared after completing our Northampton retreat: “We’d been going to weekly therapy for three months after I finded the affair, but we kept getting stuck in the same arguments. In just five days at the retreat, we made more progress than in all those months combined. Having that uninterrupted time and expert guidance made all the difference.”
Overcoming Common Obstacles in Recovery
The journey toward healing after infidelity rarely follows a straight path. Like any significant healing process, there will be ups and downs, steps forward and occasional steps back. Understanding these common roadblocks can help you steer them with greater confidence and less frustration.
When Sarah and Michael came to our retreat after his affair, they’d get into the same argument almost daily. “It’s like we were stuck in quicksand,” Sarah told me. “The more we struggled, the deeper we sank.” This experience is incredibly common.
Emotional flooding happens when feelings become so intense that your body’s threat response activates. Your heart races, your breathing shallows, and your ability to listen and think clearly diminishes dramatically. In infidelity marriage counseling, we teach couples to recognize their personal flooding signals and implement a gentle “time out” system before conversations spiral into hurt.
“I used to think taking a break meant he was avoiding responsibility,” one client shared. “Now I understand that when either of us gets flooded, we’re physically incapable of having a productive conversation.”
Blame cycles can become particularly toxic. The betrayed partner understandably attributes all relationship problems to the affair, while the unfaithful partner might defensively highlight relationship issues that “contributed to” their choice. Breaking this pattern requires careful guidance to help both partners take appropriate responsibility without minimizing the betrayal.
Many couples struggle with mismatched healing timelines. The unfaithful partner often wants to “move forward” faster than the betrayed partner can process their trauma. Understanding that healing follows a natural, non-linear rhythm helps manage these expectations and reduces friction.
Stonewalling—emotionally shutting down during difficult conversations—frequently emerges as a self-protective response. We work with couples to develop alternatives that honor their need for emotional safety while maintaining connection.
And surprisingly often, we see premature forgiveness create problems down the road. When betrayed partners rush to forgive before they’ve fully processed their emotions, unresolved feelings typically resurface later as resentment or mistrust.
“Recovery isn’t about never having setbacks,” explains one of our senior therapists. “It’s about developing the tools to steer those setbacks together rather than letting them derail your progress.”
Managing Triggers Inside Infidelity Marriage Counseling
Janice described her first trigger vividly: “We were at dinner when his phone buzzed. Suddenly I couldn’t breathe, my hands were shaking, and I was right back in that moment of findy.” Triggers—situations, words, or experiences that suddenly reactivate affair-related trauma—are among the most challenging aspects of recovery.
Effective infidelity marriage counseling addresses triggers directly with practical strategies that both partners can implement:
Grounding skills form the foundation of trigger management. We teach specific techniques like the 5-4-3-2-1 sensory exercise, deep diaphragmatic breathing, and present-moment awareness practices that help restore emotional balance when triggered.
Couples also benefit from collaborative trigger identification—creating a shared understanding of common triggers and developing proactive plans for handling them compassionately. This might include specific words, locations, or situations that consistently activate distress.
Some couples find communication cards incredibly helpful—small note cards with pre-written phrases to use when words are hard to find: “I’m feeling triggered right now and need a 20-minute break to calm my nervous system. I’m not leaving the conversation; I just need some time.”
Perhaps most importantly, couples develop shared safety plans with mutual agreements about how to respond when triggers occur. This includes how the unfaithful partner can provide reassurance without becoming defensive, and how the betrayed partner can communicate their needs without accusation.
“Learning to say ‘I’m triggered’ instead of lashing out changed everything for us,” one client reflected. “My husband now understands that’s not an accusation—it’s me asking for support. And he’s learned to respond with patience instead of getting defensive.”
When Only One Partner Will Attend Infidelity Marriage Counseling
Sometimes, only one partner is willing to participate in therapy. While not ideal, meaningful healing can still occur through individual work—and often creates a foundation for eventual couples work.
For the betrayed partner, individual therapy provides a safe space to process trauma, rebuild self-esteem, and develop clarity about personal boundaries and needs. Many find that working through their own healing journey ultimately helps them approach the relationship with greater emotional regulation and clearer boundaries.
For the unfaithful partner, individual work creates opportunities to explore the factors that contributed to their choices, develop genuine accountability, and learn new relationship skills. This personal growth often positively impacts the relationship even without the partner’s direct involvement.
In either scenario, individual therapy typically creates ripple effects that benefit the relationship. We’ve witnessed numerous cases where one partner’s commitment to growth eventually motivated the other to join the therapeutic process.
“Healing always starts with one person being willing to change,” notes one of our therapists at our Providence location. “That change often creates space for the other partner to engage differently too. The key is focusing on your own growth rather than trying to force your partner to change.”
How Long Does Healing Take & What Progress Looks Like
“When will we feel normal again?” This question echoes through nearly every infidelity marriage counseling session we conduct. While I wish I could offer a precise timeline, healing from infidelity follows a unique path for each couple. That said, research consistently shows that with proper therapeutic support, most couples need about two years to fully heal.
Don’t let that timeframe discourage you. Many couples experience significant relief and improvement much earlier in their journey. The two-year marker simply acknowledges that complete healing unfolds gradually, with layers of understanding and reconnection developing over time.
Recovery rarely follows a straight line. Instead, most couples experience what one of our clients beautifully described as “two steps forward, one step back—sometimes three steps back—but when we look at where we were six months ago compared to now, the progress is undeniable.” This dance of progress and setbacks gradually trends toward healing, with each setback typically becoming less intense and shorter in duration.
Through our work with hundreds of couples at An Affair Of The Heart, we’ve identified reliable markers that signal progress throughout the healing journey:
In the early stages, you’ll likely notice decreased intensity of arguments, the ability to have basic conversations about the affair without extreme reactions, and a growing commitment to the therapy process. These might seem like small victories, but they’re significant foundations for deeper healing.
As you move into the middle stages of recovery, you’ll develop an ability to discuss the affair with less emotional reactivity. Both partners often experience growing empathy for each other’s experience—the betrayed partner begins to see beyond their pain, while the unfaithful partner truly grasps the depth of hurt they’ve caused. You’ll start identifying unhealthy patterns that existed before the affair and practicing new communication skills that foster connection rather than conflict.
Advanced healing brings the most rewarding changes: renewed emotional intimacy that sometimes feels deeper than before the affair, the ability to reference the affair as a chapter in your story rather than its defining feature, and the successful implementation of new relationship agreements that protect your bond. Many couples experience a beautiful restoration of physical intimacy that feels more authentic and connected. Perhaps most importantly, your conversations begin focusing on the future rather than dwelling on past betrayals.
As one couple shared after completing our intensive program: “We never thought we’d laugh together again. Now we have inside jokes about therapy! The affair will always be part of our history, but it’s no longer the lens through which we see our entire relationship.”
Through the rebuilding process, couples find that healing doesn’t mean forgetting or pretending the affair never happened. Instead, it means the affair no longer dominates your relationship or dictates your future. The wound transforms into a scar—still visible, perhaps occasionally tender, but no longer actively painful or threatening to your connection.
The journey requires patience, commitment, and professional guidance—but the destination of renewed trust and deeper intimacy is absolutely possible. We witness this change daily in our work, and it remains the most rewarding aspect of the specialized infidelity marriage counseling we provide.
Frequently Asked Questions About Affair Recovery
How soon should we start therapy after finding out about an affair?
When it comes to seeking help after finding infidelity, sooner is definitely better. Those first few weeks after finding out about an affair set the tone for your entire recovery journey. The communication patterns and coping mechanisms you establish during this crisis period can either create a foundation for healing or dig you deeper into pain.
That said, I’ve seen remarkable changes in couples who came to us years after the affair was finded. One couple I worked with had been struggling silently for almost three years before reaching out. “We thought time would heal it,” they told me, “but we were just getting more distant.” Within our intensive retreat, they finally addressed what they’d been avoiding—and began genuine healing.
The bottom line? It’s never too late to start the healing process with infidelity marriage counseling. Your timeline is your own.
Can counseling make our relationship stronger than before?
“I never thought I’d say this, but our marriage is actually better now than before the affair.”
I hear this surprising sentiment from couples more often than you might expect. While no one would recommend infidelity as a path to relationship improvement (the pain is too devastating), many couples find newfound depth and authenticity through the recovery process.
Research backs this up—about 70% of couples who complete infidelity marriage counseling report higher relationship satisfaction compared to their pre-affair relationship. This happens because the affair forces conversations about issues that may have been simmering beneath the surface for years.
One client explained it beautifully: “Before, we were roommates who occasionally had sex. The affair shattered that comfortable numbness. Rebuilding meant creating something completely new—a relationship where we actually talk about our needs and feelings instead of just coexisting.”
This doesn’t mean the affair was “worth it” or necessary—the same growth could have happened through therapy without the trauma of betrayal. But it does offer hope that your relationship can emerge not just healed, but transformed.
What if triggers return months later?
Picture this: You’re six months into recovery, feeling good about your progress. Then your partner mentions a restaurant name, and suddenly you’re right back in the emotional tsunami of day one. Is all your progress lost?
Absolutely not. Triggers resurfacing months or even years later is completely normal in affair recovery. These emotional flashbacks don’t mean your infidelity marriage counseling failed or that you haven’t made progress—they’re simply part of how our brains process trauma.
At An Affair Of The Heart, we prepare couples for this reality by providing specific protocols for managing triggers long after formal therapy ends. We teach both partners to recognize triggers, communicate about them effectively, and implement grounding techniques that prevent escalation.
One couple we worked with created a simple code word for trigger moments. When the betrayed partner said “lighthouse,” it signaled to her husband that she needed reassurance without having to explain the trigger in detail. This simple tool helped them steer countless trigger moments as they arose.
Healing isn’t linear—it’s more like a spiral where you might revisit old pain but from a higher vantage point each time. And we’re always here with follow-up sessions when you need additional support for challenges that emerge along the way.
Conclusion
The journey through infidelity marriage counseling is undoubtedly challenging – but it’s also a path that offers profound possibilities for healing and growth, regardless of whether couples ultimately rebuild their relationship or move forward separately.
What truly makes the difference in this difficult journey is having the right kind of support. At An Affair Of The Heart, we’ve developed our intensive retreat model specifically to provide the focused, comprehensive care that couples need during this vulnerable time. With welcoming locations in Northampton MA, Providence RI, and Auburn CA, our private intensive therapy approach accomplishes in just a few days what might otherwise take months in traditional weekly sessions.
“When we arrived, we were barely speaking,” one couple recently told us. “By the third day, we were finally having conversations we’d avoided for years. It wasn’t easy, but it felt like we compressed a year of healing into one week.”
Our approach blends the most effective evidence-based methods, including Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) and Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), delivered by specialists who truly understand the nuances of affair recovery. We’ve seen how this combination creates breakthroughs even for couples who had previously felt stuck.
Whether you’re in those raw first days after finding infidelity or still struggling with unresolved wounds from an affair that happened years ago, please know that healing is possible. The path forward isn’t easy – there will be difficult conversations, painful realizations, and challenging emotions to work through. But with proper support, you can steer this journey and emerge with renewed clarity, deeper connection, and practical tools for building a healthier future – whether together or apart.
For more information about our couples therapy retreats, we invite you to reach out. We’re here to help you find your way through this challenging chapter with compassion, expertise, and hope for what lies ahead.